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istnienie to chwila nieuwagi
pouważajmy przez chwilę
- moje -

ma sens; chwilowo plusuję Twojemu wierszowi,
ciekawy_kasia.
Dzięki Kasiu że "pouważałaś" przez chwilę.Pozdrawiam.
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Czytałam kilka razy (już ja tak mam, hehe).
W pierwszej zwrotce widzi mi się, zakochany peel, który przedstawia się
czytelnikowi: jest wysokim (strzeliste) osiłkiem (barczyste) o blond włosach.
Jego dziewczyna (partnerka, żona) bardzo go podnieca (podnosi poziom
adrenalizny, działa jak narkotyk). Mimo woli w czasie jazdy samochodem
przekracza dozwoloną prędkość. Samochód ląduje na drzewie i być może
ona ginie w wypadku. Smutne, ale i tak w życiu bywa.
Może też być inna wersja: gwałtowne uczucie kończy się fiaskiem;
"wtuliłaś się w drzewo" może oznaczać, że nastąpiło zerwanie
i ona jest niedostępna jak drzewo (czyli zbyt wysoko, daleko).
Wiersz dobry skoro przyciągnął.
+

Serdecznie pozdrawiam
-teresa
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Dużo widzisz - to miłe.Pozdrawiam serdecznie.

nieco zaczepnie napiszę :P, a nie widać "nadpobudliwości interpretacyjnej"?
bo przecież zawsze to może być odkurzacz, prawda? albo jego instrukcja obsługi ;))
;))
rzecz jasna to takie zaczepne, ale nie mocno złośliwie, raczej leśnolichowato :)
Jeżeli dobrze rozwinięty zmysł interpretacyjny połączymy z wrodzoną,dobrą wolą i domniemaniem talentu poety (zwłaszcza młodego),to łatwo wtedy "napisać" za niego wiersz (w tą pułapkę sam często wpadam).Każdy ma jakąś własną wizję "odkurzacza" i każda równie dobra co zła -i tyle .Z leśnolichowatym pozdrowieniem -piotr.
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Czytałam kilka razy (już ja tak mam, hehe).
W pierwszej zwrotce widzi mi się, zakochany peel, który przedstawia się
czytelnikowi: jest wysokim (strzeliste) osiłkiem (barczyste) o blond włosach.
Jego dziewczyna (partnerka, żona) bardzo go podnieca (podnosi poziom
adrenalizny, działa jak narkotyk). Mimo woli w czasie jazdy samochodem
przekracza dozwoloną prędkość. Samochód ląduje na drzewie i być może
ona ginie w wypadku. Smutne, ale i tak w życiu bywa.
Może też być inna wersja: gwałtowne uczucie kończy się fiaskiem;
"wtuliłaś się w drzewo" może oznaczać, że nastąpiło zerwanie
i ona jest niedostępna jak drzewo (czyli zbyt wysoko, daleko).
Wiersz dobry skoro przyciągnął.
+

Serdecznie pozdrawiam
-teresa
Drzewo w wierszu,to taki ostatni i jednocześnie pierwszy (w innym wymiarze) "kochanek", oślepiający skrót życia.Dzięki tereso za czas dla wiersza.Pozdrawiam ciepło.
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Przypomniał mi się wiersz zaczynający się od słów: Na białym krzyżu twego ciała..., autor: Stanisław Korab-Brzozowski.
Idąc dalej tym śladem, znajduję więcej skojarzeń. Są owoce, po których można poznać, są pestki, które niczym ziarno zostały rzucone w ziemię, jest w końcu śmierć na drzewie.
Zaprawdę, niezwykły to wiersz jeśli daje takie spektrum interpretacyjne ;-).
Pozdrawiam.

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    • @Gosława prus by się nie powstdził, jeszcze pare strof i byłaby nowela! siemka
    • @Magdalena Dziewczyna pirata, powiadasz...   Może spłaszczę, bo "równe mi istoty" niekoniecznie muszą być ludźmi, ale faktycznie po ostatniej strofie przypomniała mi się wycieczka, w której uczestniczyłem będąc na Krecie, gdy na małą plażę taśmowo dopływały statki, ludzie się z nich wysypywali, wypełniali plażę szczelnie, kąpali się i wracali na statek. Plaża była piękna, woda była cudna, ale poczułem, że to jest kwintesencja masowej turystyki - przemiał ludzi przez ładną przyrodę i pogodę. Taki obrazek z epoki późnego kapitalizmu. Ale - jak wspomniałem - w tym wierszu plaża może być pusta, a pochód peelki może odbywać się w towarzystwie krabów czy co tam na tym Sal chodzi po plaży. Tylko dlaczego peelka zaznała deszczu, a inne istoty na Sal - nie? I po co peelce szerokie ramiona do walki? Walki z kim / czym, o co i po co? Można snuć hipotezy.
    • @Mitylene Subtelnie. Podoba mi się, że mamy tu dwie przenikające się warstwy - łzy, noc, gwiazdy / wiersz, wersy, głoski. Szepty osiadłe na samotnych głoskach - ładne.
    • @Mitylene Dziękuję. Tak, jest to pewnie kolejna ścieżka, którą można pójść. Ja nie chcę sugerować kto zdejmie 'nam' tę opaskę z oczu i kiedy. Ale chciałbym mieć trochę litości dla czytelnika, zostawić go z promykiem nieoczywistej nadziei zamiast na środku spalonego miasta... Albo raczej - 'z promykiem nadziei na środku spalonego miasta'.
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