angels(po angielsku)

[JorgenNorm]

I've woke up to see all those little sneaky angels
taking over my room
one with matches on the table
described me the beauty of fire
they are going to build
others grabbed my books pictures and photographs
today seems to be so different
like all existing worlds became one
looks like it's a last spin
for planet earth
I see all my memories
dancing round the fire
angry ghosts gathered along my bed
they came hear to see me hurt
but little sneaky angels
bublewraped my soul
so no fear nor sadness
can scratch it any more
hands have finally met
at the top of the clock
right time for me to hit the road
somewhere far from this place
trying to step on my own shadow
but he's running scared
I'm going north to kill that love
if she's not already dead
can't stand the smell of her perfume
annoyed by the heat of her breath
now all the angels are falling from the sky
their bodys are breaking around me like sticks
as I'm heading north
hopeless and angry
listening to there terrible screams

[gabriel p.]

Zaloguj się, aby zobaczyć zawartość.

przykro mi, ale jako filolog muszę to zrobić:

I've woke up to see all those little sneaky angels looks like it's a last spin for planet earth bublewraped my soul I'm going north to kill that love their bodys are breaking around me like sticks as I'm heading north listening to there terrible screams

zdecyduj się co do form czasownika, bo chwilami za bardzo je motasz i trudno dojść ładu - raz jest past simple, raz present perfect, raz present simple a raz continuous. musi być ciągłość aspektów
to tyle co do języka ;-)

co do treści, to pomysł ciekawy ale forma pozostawia dużo do życzenia. zbyt wiele nawijania makaronu na uszy, ja bym to skrócił na Twoim miejscu

pozdrawiam :-)